My mind is an exhausting place. If you know me well, you know it’s true!
I live in an incessantly effervescent, often unruly ocean of ideas and thoughts and hopes and contradictions and dreams and questions, mostly surrounding my Christian faith and motherhood. I’m a dreamer and idealist overwhelmed by beauty, but struggle deeply with the grit and pain of this world. I often wish I could turn my brain off. And I’ve tried. I’ve tried to stop questioning every little thing about faith, about life, about all the things I should be doing better as a mother. I’ve tried to better fit in the box, to be more “normal”, to stop being so serious and intense and petulant. But when I try to quell my mind, I end up living this kind of stagnant, half awake, passionless middle ground sort of inner (and outer) existence.
I’m hoping to find some solace in writing again. I think it might be a sort of healing balm to my soul, a catalyst to flourishing more authentically in my own head and embrace what feels like the “crazy” of who I am rather than hiding from it. I hope writing can be a sort of arrow channeling my diffuse, seemingly fragmented swirling of constant ideas and questions toward some semblance of organization, some kind of intentional, meaningful journey into a richer faith and sense of motherhood. I’m hoping it will help me be more present in my own head, to grow deeper as a person, to grow deeper in my faith, and to do more than just…exist.
Because what I desperately want is to live with eyes, mind and heart more AWAKE…to develop a more sensitive awareness and engagement with the good, beautiful and true…to suck all the marrow out of this one little life.
I’ve gone back and forth about making my writing public because it really is more a personal form of therapy in a way. But maybe there are a couple other women who live in this same mental space I live in, and maybe we can feel less alone or “odd” by finding connection in this space.
So with that…welcome to my raw, honest, hobbling journey as a mom and Christian. It might get messy and gritty at times, and it’s GUARANTEED to be imperfect, but it will be infused with the beauty of authenticity and transparency. I’m glad you’ve stopped by 🙂
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.” – Oscar Wilde